Home
   
03:31am 24/04/2003
  hey kiddies! it's never too late to get back on track with bible reading, so here we go. we're in the book of psalms again, because the psalms rock the casbah. we're reading psalm 54:3-9. i'll just type it out since it isn't very long:

3 oh God, by your name, save me.
by your strength defend my cause.
4 oh God, hear my prayer.
listen to the words of my mouth.
5 the arrogant have risen against me;
the ruthless seek my life;
they do not keep God before them.
6 God is present as my helper;
the Lord sustains my life.
7 turn back the evil upon my foes;
in your faithfulness, destroy them.
8 then i will offer you generous sacrifice
and praise your gracious name,
Lord,
9 because it has rescued me from every
trouble
and my eyes look down ,on my foes.

this is a psalm of encouragement. in fact, the heading of this psalm in my bible is "confident prayer in great peril." that's some pretty rad stuff there. so what does it all mean? well, basically what the psalm is talking about is how to be confident amidst turmoil. first, seek God with it. lay it all out, get it out, write it down, cry it out, do what you can to get that message to the Lord's feet. sure, God knows everything, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want you to tell him about it. he's like a very intuitive friend. he knows exactly what your problem is when you have it, but still will listen and in fact would love it if you told him all about it. God never gets tired of listening to your whining. second, look at God with confidence. so yeah, you may be down on your luck, feeling a little low, and maybe it's been this way for a long time, but God is your helper. he's going to guide you along the way. you can trust him more than you can trust yourself. he's going to do what's best for you, even when that means saying no to you. third, know that in the end God will conquer all of it. sure things look bad now, and maybe they'll even get worse. oh wouldn't that suck? of course it would, it'd be freakin' terrible, but God will help you overcome it all. as the psalm says, God will destroy your foes. foes aren't just people. they're things in your life that keep you from being close to God. things like money, business, and people of the opposite gender. those are all foes of your spiritual life, your walk with God. but having faith in God you know that in the end he will conquer all, and that's what's important. last, have faith. be optimistic. so the situation you're in sucks a lot. i'm sure there have been worse situations. there are few things in life that can come about that will actually cause your death, so don't think it's the end of the world all the time when things go wrong. be happy, be optimistic, know that God will do what is best and he will do it in his time and it will all be okay in the end. sure it may not be the greatest solution you could have come up with, but God never promised the greatest or most aesthetically pleasing solution to your problems now did he? here's another thing i got out of the passage. sacrifice. i'm definitely in the process of sacrificing something to better myself and to help me grow in my spiritual walk with God. i definitely have had things getting in the way of God, more so than i would have liked. sacrifice is something that can be really healing and powerful. just because lent is over doesn't mean that promise you made for forty days has to go away. maybe there's something in your life that needs to be sacrificed to save your spiritual life. maybe we need to dwell on that for a time.

God, help us to seek you confidently, trust you, and have faith in you. you are so incredible, God, and i know that the problems that i've caused in my own life will be resolved through intensive work with you. i know it will take time, but i now feel very encouraged that i can end up growing through this experience. i'm sorry to cut this short but i'm about to fall asleep. i guess there's never a bad time to talk to you, God. thanks for everything, and continue to rain down your encouragement on you. i love you, Lord. amen.		  
     Post
 
moving on for the thousandth time   
02:50am 24/04/2003
  day four of life without you, and i bet you didn't notice i was gone. i'm leaving you behind. at last i'm finally moving on. i'm making lots of plans, plans i promise i will keep. and none of them involve you, and that's perfectly fine with me. i don't want you to come around anymore. i don't want you to come around anymore. i don't want you to come around. and if i could i wouldn't answer when you call my name telling me it won't stay the same and promising the things you can't. no you can't. well i've waited four long years for these four days. i changed all my passwords to say something other than your name. i'm getting rid of that teddy bear, i look at it but it's not the same. i've deleted all your messages. i think i may just block your calls. if only i could block your calls but i don't know how. and you'll say that i'm making something out of nothing, that this is simply nothing and i need to shut my mouth. well shut your mouth. shut your eyes and dream about what could have been, cuz dreams is all you'll get now. i'm so sick and tired so sick and tired so sick and tired of being played for a fool. this is my last goodbye my last goodbye my last goodbye before i leave you. i don't want you to come around anymore. not like you ever did anyway. i don't want you to come around anymore. i don't want you to call my house anymore. i want you to vanish into thin air. i want to leave you with no trace that i was there. i don't want you to come around anymore. i don't want you to come to see me. i know you promised but you can't keep that. there's something there that holds you back. and i can't be held back this time. it's time for me to fly. i know i've tried to say goodbye a thousand times or maybe less or more, but this time i'm for sure i'm getting over you getting over you getting over you. so with this i say goodbye to you. and with this i say i hope it all works out for you. i don't want you to call my house anymore. i don't want you to message me when i'm on. i don't want you to come around anymore. not like you ever did anyway. i don't want you to think of me anymore. i don't want you to speak of me anymore. i don't want you to lie to me anymore. i don't want you. i don't want you. i don't need you. i don't want you. i don't want you. i don't need you. i don't... don't... don't... i do... do... do... know when to say that it's over. and maybe someday we can be friends again. maybe someday when you have the time to make for me. but i'm not holding my breath while you hold your tongue.  
     
 
   
01:43am 18/04/2003
  "Sans toi, les emotions d'aujourd'hui me seraient que la peau morte des emotions d'autrefois." - Hopolito  
     Post
 
   
02:48am 17/04/2003
  it was 2:47am and i had just finished watching run lola run, which is an excellent german film, and i was looking for someone to say i love you to before i went to bed. i just wanted to be nice to someone. i gave up. so... i love you all. good night.  
     Post
 
the wild and untamed tongue   
11:05am 16/04/2003
  today's reading is james 3:1-12, and it is all about our mouths and what comes out of them. basically it says that we as humans have tamed just about everything we possibly can except for our mouths. he considers the tongue like a fire. it spreads quickly and consumes much and has a lot of power and is often times out of control. the verse that really sticks out to me, though, is james 3:10, "from the same mouth come blassing and cursing. this need not be so, my brothers." the fact is that the very same mouth we use to praise God we use to curse one another. why do we do this? i don't think anyone is an exception here, we all from time to time say something about someone else that we shouldn't. sometimes it can be really cruel, and what's worse is how much affect we can have on a person just by what we say. the kids from columbine were taunted and teased. those words drove them to kill. i've had friends who were taunted and teased and ended up at least attempting or committing suicide. sticks and stones break bones and words really do hurt. i think what my goal for today will be is to see how many times i can refrain from saying something that i'd like to about someone else. i think it's a smart idea and maybe some other people should try it too, because if we are to be like christians then we need to let everything we do in word or in deed be done with our whole heart as unto the Lord. i don't even know what scripture that is, it's in a john reuben song, but i think it definitely applies. i want to be a better christian, and part of that is trying to get a handle on what comes out of my mouth. i want to please God, and i don't think God is pleased with everything that comes out of people's mouths these days. personally, now that i look at it, i don't think God likes profanity. it's not a matter of if it's Biblical or not, do you really think that God would go around saying f--- something just because he can? that's really all profanity is, not to mention it gets attention. oooh you said a bad word, that doesn't make you cool or anything. i'm beginning to think it just makes you look ignorant, but that's just me. i don't mind it if the people i'm around in any situation from playing cards on 22 to jcom class uses profanity. it's a choice each of us must make. i am chosing to stop it all together, not that i really do it much anymore. there is the occasional playful b---- calling, but even that i don't think is worth it anymore. so my goal today is to get a handle on the words i say because i want to be a christian 100% and the things that come out of my mouth must reflect that decision.

God, wow do i have so much to ask You for right now. first of all i just want to thank You for the gift of speech that we can use to communicate and to spread Your message to the masses. i ask You to help make our tongues holy, that we would think before we speak and let only the good come out of our mouths that we may glorify You by lifting up one another. let this be a day of blessings as we go about our daily activities. help us to get a handle on the things we say and help us to see the effects of our language on other people. next, God, i just want to ask you to help me find a stable balance emotionally. what happened to me last night was scary and i felt out of control. please, God, just give me some peace in my life, somehow, some way, in whatever way possible. i want to feel normal and balanced, and i'm not sure whether that means i need to be on some sort of medication or if i just need to trust You more. please just give me the strength to keep going about my daily life free from these sudden, unforseen mood swings and help me to maintain some stability in my life. thanks for all You do, God. i love You so much. amen.		  
     Post
 
another letter to my soulmate   
01:45am 16/04/2003
  hey love,
it's 1:34 am and i'm not sure where you are or what you're doing. if you're like a normal person our age you're probably up late somewhere... talking to friends, maybe out and about (though it is tuesday night/wednesday morning so you may just be doing homework). maybe you're asleep like i probably should be but i'm not because i'm up thinking about you. there are so many people in this world, so many people that i go around wondering where you are. i look at all the guys that come and go and wonder, "is that you?" yeah i know i should be patient, but it's just that i want so desperately to tell you i love you that sometimes it's just so overwhelming. you may not know this yet, but i don't think i've really ever been loved before. i mean, certainly i've had some love interests in my life, but nothing like what you and i are destined to have. i look back to high school, to the guys i thought might be you. they've all broken my heart, but you won't. sure it won't be easy. it'll probably be a lot of hard work. oh, where are you? why can't you be here? why can't my life be like the movies where you just sweep me off my feet... or maybe we could be like friends or something but we both love each other and neither knows the other loves them. yeah, let's be like that, because i like the idea of us being friends first. what am i saying? oh i don't even know. i just wish i could see you for one second. i want to look you in the eye and tell you i love you, but since i can't i'll write it here and beg God to tell you for me. someday what we will have, it will surpass anything you may have already had and everything i know i've had since i haven't had much in my life in the way of love and relationships. hold on, babe. i know things get rough. when i'm lonely sometimes you're all i can think about and i pray for you. i pray that love is treating you kindly, that your faith in God and in love remains strong, that you know how much i can't wait to meet you and to know that you're the one for me. just hold tight. you know it's only a matter of time, and so do i. i just thank God that you're out there somewhere. it helps so much to know you're there. i wish i could know if you think of me. i don't know how often guys think about their future, about the woman they'll love the rest of their lives, but i think of you often and always fondly. be strong for me, because i'm really weak and really impatient. i can't wait to see you, but until then just hold on. i hope that somehow, God sends you a sign. maybe the way the stars look from where you are... maybe the way the moon hangs in the sky... maybe a flower or a butterfly or a bird... maybe a breeze in the air... something, anything, just to let you know i'm there. i can only hope. oh God, if You're listening, send him a sign! let him know that i love him! and my love, have patience, as much as i am trying to have patience too. i love you so much and someday i'll tell you. i promise. i'll say it every day, heck i'll even write it in the sky, just to let you know you're a blessing from God above and when we're old i'll know that my life spent with you was spent to the second, never a second wasted, constantly loving you, constantly letting God work in our relationship. so, goodnight again, sweetheart. sleep well, sleep often (hehe), and i'll be by your side before you know it.

yours aways
me		  
     
 
a mind is a terrible thing to waste   
11:17am 15/04/2003
 
mood: good
music: none
hey today it's just a one verse day and that verse is philippians 4:8, which says, "finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." i think what paul is trying to say is that we should keep our thoughts pure. you know, our minds, our thoughts, they're things that only God can see, no one else, so it's easy to let thoughts slip into your head that shouldn't be there because besides the fact that you might be a little ashamed of it, no one else will know... except God. i don't know about anyone else, but i want God to see the good in me, but when i let things go through my head that aren't acceptable at all, i know God knows it before i even say anything about it to Him. and He's not like anyone else. you know if you were to have a little thought bubble pop up over your head and all the things you just thought were blatantly out there to see you might not think about some of the things you usually do. i know i would be changing my thought processes trying desperately to get rid of all negative thoughts and thoughts of things that i know i shouldn't be thinking of. well with God, there is that thought bubble, and every time i think about something that's untrue, dishonorable, not just, impure, etc., God knows right from the start. it brings to mind the title of a book i'm reading, "who you are when no one's looking." it's an interesting thought. since no one else can see your thoughts, how much harder is it to keep them focused on things that are good and holy. to me anyway my thoughts end up being my refuge where all my sin takes place. and eventually, my thoughts tend to slip out, not always for my benefit. God wants us all to be holy people, and He wants us to be pure both inside and outside. an exercise i think will help myself and maybe other people is to think about that thought bubble that pops up every thought you have and think about how God is reading that right now and what that means to you, that God knows what you think, good and bad. will it change the way you think about people? i hope for me it will because often times i find myself looking at certain people and thinking all the negative about them that i can. it's hard to think positive about some people, at least for me it is. so today my goal is to think good about people, and not let a negative thought get into my head, because those impurities and negativities, and the ones that aren't just about other people but are about things that shouldn't be thought about, sometimes, in fact very frequently, manifest themselves in your actions and in your words. a pure mind creates a pure person. i'd like to be a little more pure.

God, You are so incredibly holy and pure and i can never ever achieve that kind of holiness and purity, but i can get somewhere in the ballpark, maybe the last row of seats in the stands but i can get somewhere. help us to be pure inside and outside. give us holy thoughts, help us to hold on to those, and reject all the evil, impure thoughts that come into our heads, as we are human and moreover we're sinners and that never benefits us very much. i just thank You, God, for being so gracious even when others aren't. help us all to not think of one another as failures, to not dwell on the negative aspects of the people around us, but to see the good in one another and treat one another good because of it. help us to love one another, the kind of love that You show to us, gracious and good, unconditional. help us to love those we don't like, because You never required us to like anyone but You've required us to love, and help us to live by that love and show that love to one another. i pray that we all can be vessels of Your love, not hate. help us to get rid of hate, because as i've heard it said before, hate is baggage. help us to hold our tongues when we want to lash out, but to speak freely when we have good to say, as a hurtful statement does nothing for Your glory, but a statement that is loving and good and gracious will bless You. help us to think in that mindset today rather than a mindset of hatred. help us to reflect Your love on one another that those around us might see Your love and want to have Your love in their hearts. thank You for new friends, for a wonderful day yesterday, for friends twice met (though unbeknownst to us). rain down Your love on us. amen.		  
     Post
 
love of a different sort   
01:30am 15/04/2003
  hey people! been a bit late on this one, but it's here. tonight i read the 136th psalm, and if you read it you'll know very well that there's one phrase that is pounded into you through reading it. that's because the second half of every verse in the entire psalm is "God's love endures forever." it's a psalm of praise, which is something that i think in my devotionals since i started doing devotionals about 4 years ago i haven't exactly gotten a lot of. mostly i would read about things that were going wrong in my life and look for some encouragement, always finding it because the Word is the greatest source of encouragement a Christian can ever find. but this psalm is all about the things God has done to show His love for the world. it talks about how He brought down mighty kings and saved the israelites from slavery. it talks about how God made everything, the heavens, the sea, the land, the air. everything made by His hand. and of course, His love. this psalm is part of a song we sing at church a lot, and it always eases my heart because it says, "forever God is faithful. forever God is strong. forever God is with us, forever." sometimes it's hard to see that God is always with us, but it's true. His love endures forever, and He is always with us. this secular world tries to drown that out by saying that you or me or anyone else who believes is full of it because this God stuff... it's messed up, it's unsubstantiated, it's foolish. well, so what if it is? i have no problem being taken for a fool. i have the faith and the belief and the hope that the psalm-writers thousands of years ago who believed fully and honestly in the same God as i do were right that God's love endures forever, and that God is always with us. that's what faith is all about, and that's what i will continue to hold fast to. the love of people comes and goes. some people may never love you, others may love you with strings attached, some may love you for a while but move on to something better, and some will love you your whole life. the love found in 1 corinthians 13 which is seemingly rarely practiced in today's society (just take a look around and you'll see that a love that is unselfish and not rude but self-sacrificing is very hard to come by) is just that. rare. so by putting your faith in the love of the people around you and not in that of God, you're destined to be let down. in the end, the world will let you down, and to me they have, but God will never let you down. He's the only thing worth putting all your faith and trust in.

God, i just want to thank You for Your love, the only love that is ever unconditional and unending. thank You so much that we in our sinful nature can still find peace and joy in Your love. i know it's a little cheesy, but there are some lyrics skillet wrote that sums Your love up perfectly: "because Your love is better than life. because Your love heals me inside. because my soul is satisfied. because Your love keeps me alive." God, help me to decrease and let You increase. i want to be less of me and more of You. my life, the life i live, can be so disheartening. help me to be weak but not lose faith. help the people You're calling to feel Your love and see that it is the only thing that lasts. help me to be more like You, help us all to be more like You. thank You so much for Your unconditional love. in You, amen.		  
     Read 2 - Post
 
is it ok for me to daydream about moving out?   
09:42am 13/04/2003
 
mood: blah
music: no, thanks
i was just sitting here thinking to myself, "i wonder how many boxes it will take to move me out of here." not that i'm, you know, anxious or anything. hardly. i happen to love it here. ok so maybe that was a little sarcasm. just a little. i'm thinking about starting my packing early. like today. that would be funny. everyone'd be like, "what the heck are you doing?" and i'd be like, "oh, just working ahead," as i boxed up all my books and things. hahaha... but no really i'm not going to. not yet anyway. 61 more days until my last finals are over for the school year.

i went to the zoo yesterday. i saw a lot of cool animals, but i'm very disappointed that the naked mole rat got no recognition whatsoever. the naked mole rat is an animal too. i think that, despite the fact that these lovely creatures are butt naked (but aren't they all?), they are still worthy of being displayed for children to see and learn about. what if the naked mole rat happens to be a child's favorite animal? don't kids go to the zoo to see their favorite animals up close? so that poor child will be scarred for life realizing that his or her favorite animal just isn't good enough to be in the zoo. you have to go all the way to toronto, canada, to see them. how sad. how dreadfully sad. i guess it's good for steve since he lives close enough he can visit them whenever he wants to. i wonder if he's adopted one yet... must look into this. *sigh* i want to go back two years and go back to the zoo with steve and kevin. that was one fun day. can't forget the... ssssssssssssssssssssssnakesssssssssssssssss.... hahaha their mother hated us for that. perhaps a number three? oh man so many inside jokes in one lj entry. i must be breaking a rule somewhere.		  
     Read 2 - Post
 
the gift of love   
11:56pm 12/04/2003
 
mood: restless
music: Guster - I Spy
tonight i read in my impatience 1 corinthians 13:4 - 8a, "love is patient, love is kind. it is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. love never fails." these couple of verses are quoted so often that they are almost cliche in today's society. most times they're referred to with respect to relationships between a man and a woman when they are "in love" but that's not always the case. in fact, this definition of love isn't given any rules as to who it pertains to. there are no guidelines. it doesn't say this is true only for certain cases. it never says. what this means is that it applies to everything. this includes relationships with enemies, friends, people you meet on the street, your garbageman, your favorite and least favorite professor and t.a., your roommates, the homeless, the people you know, the people you don't know. you are to love one another, and this is what real love looks like. never does the Bible show you how to hate. so if you're to live your life as a christian, you're called to love, not hate, and this is how to love everyone. be patient, be kind, don't be jealous or arrogant. don't be rude or selfish. don't get angry, don't hold grudges, don't be happy when you or someone else does something wrong. be happy because of the truth. it goes on, but it's pretty obvious. in the end, love never fails. true love, love that follows the Bible and what Jesus teaches, never fails. this goes for all relationships, not just the lovey dovey ones.

God, i know these past couple of days i've just been really blah and have been forgetting You, but help me to be content with where i am and help me to love the people around me, even when it's incredibly hard. help me to accept the relationships You give me, and help me to have patience in waiting for people to love me in return and in waiting for that one love that You know i desire. help us all to be content and moreover to rest in You, even when i'm discontented. remove this apathy from my heart, and help me to always desire You more and more, and You more than anything. i love You, God, even when i don't act like it or say it. amen.		  
     Post
 
and now i realize why proverbs is called proverbs   
01:33pm 11/04/2003
 
mood: sleepy
music: Third Eye Blind - Losing A Whole Year
today i read Proverbs 19... and i couldn't get a feel for any real topic, so i think i'll just kinda go along and pick out some verses that hit me. oh and now i know why proverbs is called proverbs... because it's filled with little proverbs, like little sayings. i didn't know that before. so here we go:

proverbs 19:4 "Wealth adds many friends, but the friend of the poor man deserts him."
this verse disappoints me because it's so true. it seems that wealth and income are key to your social standing. the more you have, the better a person you seem to be. that's sad because the poorest person may be the most genuine person you'll ever meet. wealth doesn't make a person great, it's integrity and character that make a person great. why do we value wealth so much? i don't understand it. God calls us to love one another, there are no conditions to that. wealthy or not, God loves us all, and so should we.

proverbs 19:11 "It is good sense in a man to be slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense."
this verse reminds me of a good friend of mine. a situation in his life made him realize he never wanted to get angry ever again, and so far he really hasn't. that takes some guts and some courage and some strength because that means turning the other cheek sometimes, sucking it up and taking it, overlooking the faults of others and the betrayal of others. but in james 1:19 paul makes it abundantly clear that this is the way Christians should act. "Know this, my dear brothers: everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath," and verse 20 continues, "for the wrath of man does not accomplish the righteousness of God." think before you speak, don't anger, because anger does nothing to bring about the glory of God, which we are supposed to be bringing to the world. this makes me really want to calm my temper.

proverbs 19:17 "He who has compassion on the poor lends to the Lord, and He will repay him for his good deed."
the friend i mentioned before came accross a homeless woman the other day and gave her a ride to the church where she sleeps. he felt like he should have done more for her, so he and i are going to take a meal and a Bible to her on monday. i really don't know what it's like to go without food or without shelter. i don't know what it must feel like to be so alone and so afraid of the world. i have so much compassion, though, for this woman, because she's so small and frail. this world is so big and so mean and she is so vulnerable and so weak. we ought to love our fellow man, in whatever state he or she is in. so she's homeless, that doesn't make her a bad person. that makes her a sad person, i'm sure, but she's not bad. she may be the most wonderful woman in the world and would you know it if you had just passed her on the street. probably not. i can't wait to help this woman, because i have the feeling she really needs it. if i could take her a meal every day i would. i don't mean to do this to make myself look and/or feel better, earn points with God or something. i'm doing this because i genuinely care about this woman. i have more than she does, and i'm a poor college student. she has nothing. what can i possibly do that would be enough for her? nothing... but i can do something, somethign small. and maybe she'll smile for a day.

my final verse is a power verse
proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the decision of the Lord that endures." i find so much hope and so much power in this verse. i can make as many plans as i want to, i can know what i'm doing for the rest of my life, and none of it can come true. the only plan that will ever work out is that of God's, so why not follow His instructions? sure, the plans God may have for me may not always be the greatest to go through. i'm definitely learning that the hard way, but in the end it's for God's glory, and it's His will, and His will will never fail. it's always the way to go, no matter what it may entail. suffering, sadness, dispair... they could all be ahead of you but the end result will be incredibly wonderful. looking back, seeing what God has done in your life and in others that you didn't see because you were overcome with sadness and dispair... it will be an eye-opening experience. don't get discouraged because the path God has you on isn't the path you wish you were on. patience is accepting where you are when you wish you were somewhere else. know that God's will is the best for you. that's all i can ever say.

God, thank You for the book of proverbs. each little saying has so much insight. i only took these four verses, but there must be hundreds, maybe thousands, of these little lines of truth on those holy pages. thank you for Your word. it is such a light. help us to be compassionate people. help us to see the good in one another. help us to refrain from becoming angry so that Your glory might be brought to this earth. help us to follow Your will instead of our own plans because Your will is the right will. just bless us all as the weekend approaches. keep safe those who are travelling, especially lauren, kyle, and jimmie (even though he's not going very far). help us to make wise decisions this weekend, and bring us all back happy, healthy, and true to You. amen.		  
     Post
 
what happened to my bed time?   
04:23am 11/04/2003
  GAH! i get no sleep anymore... these late night conversations with jimmie are really cutting into my sleepy time. oh well... worth the sacrifice! oh yeah, real quick bible verse for everyone... Luke 8:25 says Jesus is so cool that the seas obey Him. simple as that. if Jesus can command the water, what can He do for you? food for thought... devotionals coming back again tomorrow, sorry i didn't get one up today. good night!  
     Post
 
blind faith   
11:52am 09/04/2003
 
mood: hungry
music: none
hey everyone, today's devotional is 2 Corinthians 5, and i just want to point out the one verse that made me decide to read this passage, and that is verse 7, "for we walk by faith, not by sight." the reason i chose this specific verse is because it was part of the study we did last night at lifegroup about courage, and this verse really sticks out to me. you know, i can see that my situation in life is pretty crappy right now. it's not really where any christian would want to be. i mean, here i go home and i often times feel like i'm not wanted, and so i don't want to be here. it seems as though the next... what... 62 days are going to go by like a 175 car train when you're stopped at the crossing. it just doesn't go fast enough. it sometimes seems like i'm just never going to make it. i think sometimes i'm just going to end up failing and leave this place cowering with my tail between my legs, ashamed i ever spoke the name of God in front of these people. but the thing is, i live by faith, so i know that that will never happen. i have faith, complete and utter blind faith, that in the end something good will come out of all of this. maybe someone i know will receive God into their hearts, maybe a few people will take the time to reassess their lives and see that they're headed in a direction they never wanted to go. i have no idea what will come at the end of all this suffering. but what i do know is that i've been promised a lot from God, and that when my sufferings in this place are over, both where i'm living now and at the end of my life, God has some reward for me. and that's great, but i don't really think i'm in it for the reward, now that i think about it. i think i'm just in it to do what God wants me to. i know that God will send His grace down upon me and will touch lives through my life, but all i ultimately want to do is live a life totally and completely for Him. that takes a lot of courage because i've realized that you don't always have the opportunity to surround yourself with christians who are going to just love on you and lift you up and care about you in a very Christ-like way. sometimes you have to go into the battle head first and come what may be a christian among people who despise you for it. but remember what Jesus said on the Mount of Olives, "blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of God." that's a pretty super reward, i have to admit. so there are things God will reward courage with here on earth, like grace, and strength, and touching other lives through you, but also there are even more and better rewards for you in heaven. the kingdom of God is yours. so why not be courageous? why not live by faith instead of by sight? sight can deceive you, but faith in God will never let you down. today my goal is to live entirely by faith.

God, i just want to thank You for the gift of strong faith. i know my faith see-saws, and the same is true for a lot of people, but thank You for still loving us and having the patience to wait around until we do have faith. i just can't believe You don't give up at all! thank You for giving me situations to be courageous in, and help me to continue to live only by the faith that all that i do is not in vain but for Your kingdom and for grace and for strength. i'm so glad that You test me, God, because You strengthen me every time. i learn so much from you, God, i just can't thank You enough! please bless all the people i've met here at college. do something amazing in their lives that they might see Your power and believe in You. also, touch in particular my friend dylan as he struggles to overcome a few doubts he has in his mind. remind him that faith is undying and that You are the only thing that is ever reliable. everything else in this world will deceive us, but You are eternal. thanks for everything, God, especially for the incredible day i had yesterday! i just loved it! thanks, God! amen!		  
     Read 2 - Post
 
oh what a day!   
01:56am 09/04/2003
 
mood: jubilant
music: Guster - Two Points for Honesty
wow... i just had a face and stomach work-out. i haven't laughed that much in a while. thanks, God, for the new guy friends (yay! they're actually my FRIENDS instead of potential love interests!) in my life! thanks for this incredibly awesome day, and God just bless dylan and give him a childlike faith, faith that stands questioning and believes without doubt. he knows You love him, help him to not get discouraged by himself. i love him, God, he's an incredibly great friend. thank You for bringing him into my life. and thank You also for sam, Your faithful follower. help him to grow ever closer to You. he's so happy now. thanks for that! okay and thanks for my bed because i'm going to go hit it up now! goodnight, God!		  
     Post
 
two points for honesty   
11:26am 08/04/2003
 
mood: content
music: Guster - Two Points for Honesty
If that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time
You've dreamed a thousand dreams, none seem to stick in your mind
Two points for honesty
It must make you sad to know that nobody cares at all
I want to be where I've never been before
I want to be there and then I'd understand
Know I'm right and do it right, could I get to be like that
I'll know what I don't know with nothin more to gain
Will I get better or stay the same
I find I always move to slowly
Can't lift a finger, can't change my mind
I never knew till someone told me that...
If that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time
You've dreamed a thousand dreams, none seem to stick in your mind
Two points for honesty
It must make you sad to know that nobody cares at all
And all the people who've seen it all before
And all the people who really understand
Know they're right, and have done it right, could I get to be like that
I'll know what I don't know, it's harder everyday
Can't lift a finger, can't hurt a fly
I've found I always move too slowly
One things for certain, I'm insecure
I never knew till someone told me that....
If that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time
You've dreamed a thousand dreams, none seem to stick in your mind
Two points for honesty
It must make you sad to know that nobody cares at all
Nobody cares at all
They never care at all		  
     Post
 
sweet aunt catherine   
11:12am 08/04/2003
  my great aunt catherine died last night, my grandma's sister. please keep my grandma in your prayers, as i've gotten really close to my brother now, i can hardly imagine what losing a sibling must be like. i loved her, even though she didn't know i was around. she died peacefully. God, bless my grandma, and keep her strong.  
     Post
 
good morning!   
10:32am 08/04/2003
 
mood: sleepy
music: none
i just woke up and that means it's time for another really cool reading from the holy word. today i read 2 corinthians 12:1-10, and it's all about weaknesses. the thing it, it's really backwards, so at first it really confused me. verse nine says, "but he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.' I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that Christ may dwell with me." i don't know about anyone else, but to me, that passage sounds completely messed up. it's hard to imagine that, by being weak, power is made perfect. but let's think about it a little more. first of all, whose power are we talking about? i don't really think this passage is talking about our own power. i think it's referring to God's power. so God's power is made perfect in our weaknesses. but how? well, when we are weak, and that seems to be pretty often for me, we tend to rely on something greater to sustain us. for Christians, that "something" is the power of God. so when we are weak, we rely on God for help, and through that His power is made perfect. and when we rely on God, Christ dwells with us. that makes a whole lot more sense. you see, it's often better to be weak than to be strong. i've noticed that when i am strong i tend to rely only on myself since, after all, i'm strong, so who else do i need? but when i am weak, it's then that i rely on God to sustain me. maybe that's not the way to go about things, because i know that i should rely on God 100% of the time, but it's true that as humans we tend to rely on God more when we need something. so weaknesses are good after all. here are a few things i have written down about weaknesses from sunday's talk. "Let God use us to demonstrate His power, not our own." this definitely goes along with what i've figured out from this passage. when God uses our weaknesses to minister to others, God demonstrates His power. "Your weaknesses may be the very thing that qualifies you for God-sized ministry." wow. i never thought my weaknesses would get me anywhere, but now i'm kinda glad i have them around because without them i wouldn't have nearly as close a relationship with God. so what is the point of this? yeah, we're human, and yeah we make mistakes, and yeah we are weak. but if we were all made strong, then who would rely on God in times of great strength? it's human nature to rely on ourselves when we think we can manage, and usually that brings a pretty big fall because when you don't rely on God, you're going to lose your footing. but when we are weak we know we need something else, something more than ourselves, to keep us going. God is the only think you can ever rely on that will surely keep you up. it may not be in quite the timeline or fashion you had anticipated, but God will sustain you in the way he wants to. verse ten continues, "Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong." i'm going to conclude with that statement, because that is one of my new power verses. it has become something i live by. lately i've felt hated by a lot of people. i've been insulted and persecuted by people very close to me. this entire year has been one long hardship, but i'm not complaining anymore because i know that in the end something great will come out of this. i will, in the end, be made strong in my faith because of all these things that are happening now. i refuse to turn back and let things stop me from being the Christian i know i am called to be. so you can hate me if you want, that's fine, but i'll still love you.

God, thank you so much for making humans imperfect that we might rely on you for support, not on ourselves. help us all to realize that we are just naturally designed to lean on you when the goings get tough, and even when they aren't. give us the courage to press on in times of hardship to know that in the end our weaknesses and hardships will bring about Your glory, even when it seems impossible that anything good could come out of the situation. make us all beacons of Your light, and let Your power be demonstrated through us that we might be an example to people who don't believe or don't want to believe. without You, we are nothing, Lord. we are simply weak people in search of something greater. make Yourself known to those who refuse You, and i pray they find comfort in Your trust. thank you for the friends i've been given, for the people around me who push me to be better, especially for brandon, as he is feeling really sick right now. thank you God, and in Your name i will forever pray, amen.		  
     Post
 
yep... it's now official   
08:47pm 07/04/2003
 
mood: nervous
music: Training for Utopia - New York City is Over Rated
i'm totally going to LT now... i got the second wave of forms from the ymca camp.. that means.. leadership training, here i come! well, not quite, but getting there :) i'm really excited, but a little nervous. i've never been so far from home. i can't just go home if i want to. it's going to be long, but i'm sure i can make it. this is going to change my life, and i think this entire year has been preparation for it. i know God's going to work in so many incredible ways! i just can't wait :) well.. just wanted to make that known... ciao!		  
     Read 1 - Post
 
another lesson in joy overcoming sorrow in a powerful way   
11:24am 07/04/2003
 
mood: content
music: none
hello, it's monday morning, and that means it's devotional time. today's reading was acts 16. it's a long chapter, so i'm not going to talk about everything, but there's a particularly interesting story in this chapter that we discussed in church yesterday, and i felt compelled to read the entire context of the story. if you want to, you're welcome to read the whole thing, but if you just want the story, it's acts 16:16-40, basically the entire second half of the book. anyway, here's the story:

paul and timothy are in philippi to bring the news of Jesus Christ to the romans there. while they are walking through the street, a woman follows them yelling things like, "oh here are the slaves of the most High God," and stuff like that. she was a fortune teller and her owners made a lot of money off of that. after a while, paul got tired of listening to the spirit inside her yelling things at them, so he turned around and did an exorcist move (kinda like, "the power of Christ compells you.") and the spirit takes a hike. her owners find out and are ticked off because that spirit was the one that did the fortune telling and now they'd make no money because she can't predict the future anymore. well that ticked those guys off and they go and get paul and timothy and take them to the local authorities and tell them, "these dudes are jews and disrupting our town and advocating customs that we as romans can't do." the authorities took paul and timothy and had them beaten to a nasty pulp with some sharp rods and then thrown into prison. the guard put them in the innermost prison and locked their feet in stocks. so okay, they're beaten up pretty bad and they're in jail and what the heck do they do? they sing songs to God and pray to Him. wow, talk about some strong faith! the other prisoners listened to them as they sang and prayed. suddenly, there was this big earthquake and all the doors of the jail cells opened. the guard realized this and took out his sword to take his life when paul and timothy said, "don't do it, man! we're here!" the guard looks at them and asks, "what does one do to be saved?" woah! way to go, boys! God totally works in mysterious ways. so they tell him, "believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and your household will be saved." the guard takes them to his home, dresses their wounds, and has them talk to his family. they all get baptized and yay you'll be seeing those dudes in heaven! so the next day the authorities are like, "you can release those guys," and so the guard goes to them and says, "hey man, you're free, get out of here!" and they're like, "no man, if they want to free us, they can escort us out like they would do any other roman citizen." the authorities were shocked. had they known these guys were romans they would have offered them a cup of coffee or something, not beat them up. so the authorities escorted them out and told them they should probably take a hike, which is exactly what they did.

the thing that strikes me the most is the fact that paul and timothy, when they were all locked up, weren't sitting there complaining, saying, "aww man, God, you totally hung us out to dry! dude, that's not cool!" no, instead they are singing songs to God and praying to Him. that's incredible faith. and as a testament to that faith, the guard and his family receive Christ into their hearts because they've seen the example of their awesome faith in God that the whole jail would shake just at their praising of Him. this just goes along with everything i've been reading the last couple of days. in the face of struggles, if you call out the name of the Lord, He will answer. maybe not in earthquakes, but He answers. He doesn't forsake anyone. what's even more incredible is the fact that, through perseverance in times of struggle, your life becomes an example to those who don't have no relationship with God. they see you and the fact that you're just like, "man i know it's a rough time right now but i still believe in God and i will continue to have that relationship with Him." and they're all like, "woah, what's he/she got that i don't?" it's obvious what the difference is, and that's a relationship with God. so now we see that rejoicing in ones sorrows does more than just give you grace. it sets your life as an example to those who want a relationship with God, and that's pretty powerful stuff. i know that when i suffer i don't usually think about anyone else. i'm always like, "oh pity me, pity me, i have it so hard." but if i just have strength and know that God's will will be done, then people will see that and see my faith and wonder what i've got that they don't. i never thought about it that way. i never thought that my suffering could end someone elses. it's a really powerful thing, this faith stuff. so basically what i'm getting out of this reading today is that by rejoicing in my suffering, i can end someone elses suffering and bring them to know God in a powerful way. that's amazing. it makes me want to be happy in my struggles. i think i will be now.

heavenly Father, you talk to us so much and on so many levels. thank you for giving us the example of paul. his life is a testimony to Your power and strength. Lord, i just ask that You bless my life and help me to rejoice in my sufferings that i may be an example of a true and honest Christian, as horrible at it as i may be from time to time. God just help me to reach out to those around me, in my room, in my classes, even those i see on the streets. help me to feel more comfortable around non-christians. help me to not look at my situation as one big pity party. give me the strength to pray to you and praise you among people who don't believe that they may see this love i have for You and want some of it too. thank You for Your word, it's become so meaningful to me. thank You for the friends who kick me in the butt and tell me i need to get my act together. thank You for long conversations about life and Your love. just thank You for the people who i care about the most, bless them, especially those who live far away, and those i may never get to thank in person. help me this day to not put myself on display but rather to have patience and look to see who in my life is being touched by my life, and help me to reach out to them, even if it's just one person. thank You so much for everything you are doing in my life. i know i can make it now, God, thanks to You and Your love. amen.

have a good day everyone.		  
     Post
 
casualties of war   
08:10pm 06/04/2003
 
mood: somber
music: none
david bloom died overnight. a reporter for msnbc, nbc news, and the today show, he was only 39 years old. he's survived by a wife and three kids. you know, it's a real shame. of all the reporters of the war, he was my favorite. it's not like i feel this grand connection to him, but he went through so much. those boys must be devastated. he was one of them. he'll be missed by a lot of people i'm sure. and while i may not have known him, i think i'll miss him in a way. it's always sad to know someone died in such horrible circumstances. rest your soul, mr. bloom. you were at war, and at last, you are at peace.		  
     Read 8 - Post
 
  girlwonderful
 
 
skip  
 
 

Advertisement